Cause I feel like being Random

Randomness....

Listening to The Calm.... Waiting for the Storm.... Damn outside is Warm. ... Damn I miss my Dorm. .... I wanna take it Back. .... This real life shit is Wack. .... Feel like the whole world's on my Back. .... Damn I need a Track..... I got flows. .....What if writing was like being a rapper? What if all I had to do was write about all the expensive crap I want and the women that I've been with? Would you still read it? What you still be a fan? .... I moved on to Biggie's Ready to Die. ... I'm all that and a dime sack. Where da paper at? Gimme da loot! .... I've decided that I'm the opposite of a feminist. I'm not a chauvinist. I'll call myself the Defender of the Degradation of Men. And with this position I promise to fight against women who spread the stereotypes of me and fight the men that constantly co-sign them. .... Men are not inherently immature, savage, whore-mongering, selfish, insensitive cavemen. ..... Every man is different just like every woman is different. Some are whores. Some are insensitive. Some are selfish and stupid and mean. ... Some will love you so hard it'll make your face hurt. Others will ignore you, the way men are "supposed" to. ....There are a couple songs on Drake's album that literally pull words from my mouth. .... I just wanna be successful. ... I don't need to be rich. I don't need a Bentley coupe or a sky-rise apartment. I don't need to be have a suit for everyday of the year and my sneaker game so crazy that I can wear two pairs of sneakers everyday for a year and never repeat. .... I just want to be able to pay my bills without trying to gauge how much money I'll have to eat until my next pay day. I just want to be able to go on vacation without having to have a "fuck it" moment. .... I just want to feel accomplished. I want to feel like what I do matters to someone other than the people that generally like me as a person. ..... I'm glad that Obama made a new regulation to better gas mileage on cars but really, who's buying American cars anyway? .... I'm reading the Audacity of Hope too. This dude really got me convinced that he really just wants to do the right thing for the country, not the Democratic thing or the Republican thing, not the left thing or the right thing but the RIGHT thing. ... I met a girl the other day that quit her job, the job that she went to school to do, to become a make-up artist. Because that's what she wanted to do. I couldn't possible have any more respect for her. She's my idol right now. .... Not just because she took a risk and quit her job but because she could pinpoint the thing that would make her most happy in life. Then she found the courage to allow success into her life. ..... I feel like I'm an explorer trying to find the treasure in my own life. Not really sure what I'm looking for but I know that "something" is in this jungle somewhere. ... I'll know when I find it. .... Oh yeah, me and Procrastination are sooo back together. Gym told me to go fuck myself and I think I've run about twice since I wrote that wonderful piece about running. FML ....

Mirror

There are days when I ask myself who I am. There are days when I wonder how it became so, that I would do certain things and say certain things. There are days when I wonder how my passions were molded. Why do my eyes see the world this way?

On those days I look in the mirror.

I stare until I find what I'm looking for. I search my own eyes for answers. I search my own face for resolution. Then I watch while my jet black hair sprouts and grows near my shoulder while some gray uniformed strains infiltrate my scalp. My cheeks round and my skin's hue darkens a few shades. There are lines on my face from when I smiled too much. It shows that I cried too. Big cries. The kinds that scar the inside. The kind that time heals.

I find wisdom in my own eyes -- eyes that have seen growth and success and failure. These eyes have seen life and survived death. These eyes are hopeful and resilient, compassionate and experienced.

My heart beats differently.

This heart is big enough to love the world. This heart has a capacity that I've only strived to. This heart has been broken over and over and yet defiantly beats stronger each time it has healed all by itself. This heart gives with no thought of restitution. The heart knows Life. It knows that Life will find repayment, whether it's today, tomorrow or in the next lifetime. I look down.

My hands shrink smaller. My fingers are thinner. These are a teacher's hands, a molder's hands.

A Mother's hands.

There is nothing I have accomplished without your hand pressed against my back. There is no truth I have spoken that you didn't insert into my thoughts. My successes are yours. My failures are my deviations from the path that you illuminated for me. You make me smile in a way that warms me like the sun. You are my light. You are where I seek salvation. You are where I find my truth.

You are my example. You are my friend. I love you.

Thank you. You didn't just make me.

You made me.


-Your Son.