Release...

I'm writing this because I want to write something else and can't find the words. So here I don't have to search for words. I just let them come to me. .... I guess that's lazy. I'm just trying to get the ball rolling. .... Anthony Hamilton just beasted this song in my ear. ... Her Heart. ...I keep thinking of something my mother said to me. ... "And who do the strong turn to?" ... What if I'm not as strong as I thought I was? Who do I turn to then if I've always thought I was the strong one? .... I can't remember the last time I was so happy to just stay in the house with my family as I was for the past two weeks. ... In my house everyone is reserved to their own corner, doing whatever it is they do and when we gathered in the living room suddenly I felt like we were having a house party but all the guest lived in the house. ... No matter how much I read, or what I read, I still can't find the inspiration to write something brilliant. I think I realized that I don't know who I am as a writer. I've found my voice as a reporter, although I feel like I've lost that at times. But the "writer" I'm supposed to be is a stranger to me. ... I'm not sure I've ever met him before. ... I'm finding that when I read I simply want to be like the author I'm currently reading. I wish I could see through his mind's eye and shape words and space the way he's crafted it. .... The best piece of writing advice I've ever gotten was simply to "Write what you see." ... I don't want to write a story that I wouldn't read. And I certainly don't want to write another hood classic about an athlete that never made it in sports but somehow found another way despite his inner demons and addiction to women's affection. .... The greatest minds are always the most flawed. That's way the geniuses we know also seem so crazy. ... Maybe I'm too normal for my own good. ... Lately my Randomness hasn't seem so random. ... Maybe it's forced. ... I need to write thought. I need to purge. I can't keep suffocating on my own thoughts. ... No, I'm more in control than that. .... I'm the one suffocating my thoughts. .... 2010 is time for action. More action than planning. More doing than thinking. ..... I've been sleeping better lately. Not sure why. .... I can hear the ticking instead of me. I'm just waiting for the BOOM.

-C