When the Sun comes up....

The best thing about the morning is when the sun creeps into your room. Through the window and onto the floor. It climbs the bed and touches you. It warms you and jars you just enough to stir you into consciousness. Another day. A new one.

There's a reason why the morning smells the way it does. It smells fresh, unspoiled by the stresses each day may bring. It hasn't been polluted yet, or trampled, or spit on or bombarded by noise. It's open to opportunity and bright and tranquil. I guess that's why you're supposed to thank God for new days. Everyday is like a do-over.

I forgot that for a while.

I like the crap from each day pile on to the next one, and then the next one. After awhile you get buried in all that crap and it's hard to come out because instead of looking at the next sun you keep studying all the crap surrounding you. Sometimes when it's like that no one can pull you out. Even if they extend a hand, you either reject it or pull them in with you. But there's a point that I realized that you have to pull yourself out. Had to figure out a way to look and appreciate when the next sun came up then I had to figure out when the hell I was going to do with this fresh new, shiny, tranquil day. I'm still figuring it out.

I stopped blogging because I thought I had nothing to write about. I couldn't stand watching myself write about the same things over and over. About frustration and struggle because it all looked like I was sinking, instead of pulling myself out of the crap. I decided to stop for a minute and really think about what makes me happy. And when I couldn't figure that out for the life of me, it made decide that, well, that's what I'm going to do with the opportunity that each sunrise presents. I'm going to find out what really makes me happy and what we'll keep me happy.

Running. Exercising. That makes me happy. I like to be challenged. I like to see how far I can push, I deep I can dig. I want to find out where I'll break, or if I'll break at all. I like that the reward is tangible. Bigger, stronger, faster and all that.

It's also important that I do things for myself and that I make some decisions based soley on my own personal best interests. I would literally make decisions based on which route would piss off, disappoint, or bother the least amount of people. I barely ever said no to anyone but myself. I have to laugh at how stupid that even sounds in my head. I realized that sometimes the best thing for me to do is to sit my ass quietly in one place and do nothing. Or read. Or write. Or just think about what I need to do that's going to continue to make me happy. It's working on not being stuck in the crap that makes you walk around like you're a rapper, saying you got the whole city on your shoulders, the whole state on your back, or the whole world rotating on your head or some other nonsense.

So recently I've started to take account of the sunrise. Since everyday is a shot at a do-over, a chance to do it better. To be better. So I've made friends with Gym again but I've been cheating with Running. Gym understands. She's happy if I visit. Procrastination is a torn in my freakin' side but that's partly because she has a partner that takes me upstairs and then I don't feel like doing anything.

If you've followed this blog in the past you'll get the personification. You will also remember this:

Randomness.....

Is it gay that I get an erection from the thought of Chris Paul playing for the Knicks? I'm sure it is. I don't care though. .... Damn the people in charge of the New York State budget are a bunch of cocks. I wish we could just round up like 12 really hood dudes and go up to Albany and just beat the shit out of everyone. That'll teach 'em. .... I didn't do anything work-related today outside of a few emails and two meetings that I barely paid attention in. At least I was productive yesterday. ..... I feel so many changes coming. .... I thought yesterday that I'm literally "training" to be 30. I'm running. I'm eating better. I'm cut my hair differently. It'll all been a win. .... This is the first time I've blogged in like 2-3 months and it was probably 2-3 months before that. .... I've tweeted about 10 times in the past 3 days. ... That's more than I've tweeted in the past 2 months. .... I've decided that I'm not longer taking blame for shit that ain't my fault. Enough of all this nice guy shit. .... Dough to get, more shows to rip. I suggest you all roll wit the clique. Who ya wit? .... Why do the Mets suck so bad? If I was more into baseball I'd be supremely pissed off right now. .... Giants and Jets in the SuperBowl? No? ..... Did my first "real" track workout in about 6 years the other day. I layed on the floor in my bedroom for hours afterward. Layed on the floor the next day after I ran and went to the gym. .... I know my abs are under there somewhere. .... I was told I was an "inspirational writer" and that I was "movie star hot" in the same week. I should be gassed but I don't believe any of it. ... Don't worry my swag is in tact though. .... Wait is the word "swag" played out? ...... Ah well. Just happy to be back. Good morning.


- C