Life....Life is what you make it.....

College days swiftly pass.
The phone vibrates. Text message. "Can I ask you a question?" it says. Somehow whenever someone asks permission to ask a question, that question makes me nervous.
"How did you know what you wanted to do with your life?"
Funny thing is, I thought to myself, how do I even answer that question? The short story is that you never really "know" until you're there and realize that you love it or hate it. Before that, you make the best decision you can, close your eyes and hold on for dear life praying that when you open them you'll find yourself in the place that you always thought you'd be. But in the meantime, you doubt yourself and question yourself and analyze and re-analyze and you claw through a maze of confusion.
But there is no way to sit down and decide in one day or a week or a month what you're going to be happy doing for the rest of your natural born life. And if you make a choice and you're wrong, who said that means you've effectively ruined your life beyond repair. It doesn't. Roads have exit ramps. If you find you're on the wrong path, get off and find the right road. But if you think you're going the right way, even if you're unsure, I say ride it out and enjoy the scenery.
Personally, I think finding what you want is a balance of finding what you like and what you're good at. In all likelihood, you'll like something because you're good at it. (Remember back in the day when you said that video game sucked only because you couldn't beat that shit.) But at the end of the day you want to come home feeling useful and accomplished -- feeling satisfied. Some people are in it for the grind. Some folk are in it for the love. Some just love the paycheck. Sometimes the grind is for the love of the check, if that makes sense. I say do whatever you need to in order to come home not wanting to sit on the kitchen floor watching your wrists bleed out.
I write because I think I'm good at it. I don't know if I just love being good at something or I love writing. Doesn't matter either way.
Plus, unless you've been touched by God in some wildly special way, you're going to wake up some mornings wishing that the building that you work at had a bomb threat and you get to stay home and do nothing. You just don't want to be pissed that you need to go to work. Then pissed that you are at work. Come home pissed that you had to go to work and then go to bed pissed because you have to go to work tomorrow.
Point is, sometimes you aren't sure you're on the right road. Just try to stay headed in the right direction.


And back by popular demand... Randomness......

A man stood on the corner of 168th street and Broadway screaming in a thick Spanish accent, "No Osama Bin Laden. McCain. McCain. McCain. Ten Dollars." Then pointed down to the cologne he was selling. ... It took everything in me not to kick him in the face and smash the cologne on his head. ... Maybe the smell would cover up the bullshit. ... Mavado's Inna Di Car Back. ... Crack. ... Great writers are thieves. ... I'm trying to be great. ... On that note, hideout1.blogspot.com. ... I just learned the Gully Creepa. I'm late but can't wait for the bashment. ... Colin Powell supports Barack Obama. ... As great as it is that a Republican political veteran supports Obama, no matter how he legitimizes his endorsement, people are simply going to see one black public figure supporting another black public figure. ... I don't conform to gender roles. ... Girls don't like that. ... Suck it up. ... Why do people only like gender roles when it benefits them? ... Emotions will have you broke. ... Emotions will have you broke and lonely with people laughing at how emotional you are. ... I've been a good friend lately. ... I appreciate people appreciating that. ... Sometimes freshness is born from necessity. Can't always pop tags. ... Why do people play games and then get mad when they lose? ... Like, you idiot. ... Your friends are the ones most likely to take advantage of you. ... The fact that you care is how you know they are your friends. ... Materialism is like Democracy's jealous homegirl that plays hype man and fucks up your relationship. ... I miss college. That shit is a fantasy world with pretend-money, endless women and no responsibilities. And all your friends live 10 minutes away. ... I ask myself every single day if I'm good at what I do. ... I'm more self-conscious than I let on. ... I have the same conversation with the same person through text messages every single night. A practice in futility. There are some relationships I wish I could repair. But you can't fix things that would rather be broke. ... I make a conscious effort to become a better person. ... Every day. ... Okay. Almost every day. ... No I haven't been back to the gym yet. Wednesday. I promise.

We became friends in the car. Now we're riders.

C