Tryin to get right...

It’s crazy that I haven’t been here for awhile. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t abandon this and I won’t. But the idleness of this space only reminded me of a single thing: that I am perpetually afraid of not being perfect. So this experiment reinforced that. I am back now because I refuse to let this space die, this space that has allowed to me to completely be myself and purge my thoughts before someone else had a chance to call them into question.
I told a friend recently that everyone needs a place where only their thoughts exist. Everyone needs a place where only their ideas are relevant. The side effect to that is that it opens the possibility for you to challenge yourself and then convince yourself that you can’t. I think I had convinced myself that I can’t. Well, not that I “can’t” but that I “couldn’t.” I couldn’t find something that sounded perfect, something that would earn me a pat on the back, a tap on the head. Then the other day I overheard a conversation between brothers where the older one exclaimed, “I don’t need anyone to feel me. I feel myself enough.”
I don’t need anyone to feel me. I feel myself enough.
Why was I looking for someone else to feel what I’m saying? How did this place become a workshop for validation instead of my haven of freedom? I’m writing this to remind myself that I’m good at what I do.
This is what I do.
So I wouldn’t need anyone to tell me how great I am. I don’t need for my words to inspire anyone. I will inspire myself and hopefully the crowd will form behind me like the kids chasing Rocky through Philly or better yet the folks to trailed Forrest Gump around the country and found inspiration in something he did simply because he felt like it. “I just felt like running.”
I just feel like writing. I just feel like being better than I’ve ever been. I just feel like finding greatness. Wait, this sounds familiar. Here’s the thing about these blank pages – I can say whatever I want. So let me correct myself, if this is supposed to be one of the few places were unfettered honesty is embraced. I’m done waiting for greatness to find me, standing here with my arms open with this silly yet welcoming smile. This is my responsibility. My promise to myself. To be great each day. Somehow better each day.
OK, great pep talk. Let’s get to work.

Randomness…..
On plane from Houston to NY …. 13 hours of traveling, a 90-minute flight delay, bad airplane food, a seat that doesn’t recline and somehow the “upright position” has me oddly leaning forward. … It’s amazing that I haven’t been aggravated once today. … Could be that I had four of the best days of my life back-to-back-to-back in Panama. … Un Paradiso por favor y 17 shots of vodka? …. Hey that’s all the Spanish I got. … Oh yea and I figured out that hookah is dulce fumar … So is something else (evil laugh). …. Jill Scott is beasting in my headphones right now. … Lauryn Hill demolished that MTV Unplugged show. Remember that? … Think about the last time a contemporary artist directly challenged our complete social structure in a song or in her case 14 songs. … Jay-Z turned his Unplugged session into a poetry Slam. … Name five rappers that could sit on a stool and shut down a coffee bar. … There’s only so much you can drink before even the sight of a bottle makes you want to yack your brains out. …. There’s only so many times a person can say “I’m not drunk” before they have to come to grips with reality. … Or walk in a straight line. … I couldn’t take a phone call or get on the internet for four straight days. … And I loved every second of it. …. Ok back to reality. Oops, there goes gravity. … I enjoy anyone that I can talk to about the Knicks, hip-hop, the Vybz Kartel vs. Mavado battle, the greed that stems from capitalism, the pros and cons of socialism and what exactly is the difference between good head and great head. …. Now that’s a soul mate. … She’s from the Chi…. Kanye in the IPod now.
C