Selfish bastards...

Think about what your perfect relationship will be. Think about all the things you want from a relationship, all the things that perfection entails. Actually, forget perfection, think about what cohesion entails. The ideal relationship for you. Now stop.
If you all the things that you listed in your head have anything to do with what you can do for the your potential mate, if you didn't think about what you can bring to the table, what you can do to make the relationship ideal for your mate as well then congratulations you are well on your way to being a selfish partner. Correction: you can't be a selfish "partner" you'll be more like a leech in the relationship. You take but don't give and then believe that your presence allow qualifies as the reward -- "allowing" that person to be with you.

So I had this conversation with a couple of friends at different times. And I swear they listed all the things they require from a man they plan to marry or date. It went from everything to how much money he should make, to what time he should come home from work, how much time he should spend with his friends, what his responsibilities should be in the house, what nationality he should be and lots of other superficial things. Now I'll say for the benefit of the doubt that this was meant to be a conversation about the superficial things women want from relationships. Yet somehow these requirements seemed unyielding and concrete. But when I asked them what they plan to bring to the relationship in order for qualify all these requirements somehow a bunch of crickets found their way into the room and I couldn't hear an answer.

It's fine to believe in yourself, to believe that your presence alone will better someone else's life. But it's not fair to walk into a relationship knowing all the things you want and yet have no clue what you're willing to do to earn those things. I might be wrong, but I find that many women are working hard to be strong and independent. They expect to be courted and spoiled. My question is how can you expect to be spoiled and not being willing to "spoil" your partner? I don't mean spoil like you would a child. What I mean is to make your partner feel special, feel wanted. To make them feel great. You should remind your man that he is great and that you appreciate his greatness. Men should be doing the same. If they are not, they are failing you and your relationship is severely unbalanced and you will undoubtedly begin to feel both unappreciated and under-valued.

Too many people give only in hopes that they will get something in return. Make someone feel special because they ARE special. Not because you hope they will return the favor. If you don't feel inclined to do things to make your partner feel special then you probably don't like them that much. In that case, don't be so selfish that you keep them around simply because you enjoy the way they make you feel.


Stepping down off my soapbox now.


Randomness

"I've got some issues that nobody can see.... And all of these emotions are pouring out of me. ... I'll bring them to the light for you." ... Or maybe I won't because that's not really my style.... I deal with things myself because something inside of me tells me that I'm built for that. I refuse to be anyone else's burden but my own. ... So the Soundtrack to My Life will be played by a set of headphones that only I can hear. .... I'm Mister Solo/Dolo. .... At least I feel that way sometimes. ..... Clearly Kid Cudi's in my speakers and I feel like this dude is speaking directly to me. .... Maybe someone understands. .... I can't believe the Knicks didn't pick up Iverson. Actually I can believe it. Why would we want Iverson? What the Knicks should do is go find out where Fredric Weis is and go re-sign him. Assholes. .... Miles to go before I sleep. .... Great line. ..... I don't know what it is but the very second I walk through the door at work my entire disposition changes. Today I sat on the train for an entire hour to go ONE stop and I didn't get mad. But as soon as I wanted into the office I felt ready to punch the first person I saw. ... Today is one of those days where I wish I could press the Reset button like Life was a Nintendo game. Then I'd take out the cartridge, blow on it and hope Life works better when I put the game back in. .... Somehow when the air is a little smokey I tend to see things more clearly. How's that work? *wink* ....


C