Guess I felt like writing...

I find that one of the most frustrating things about being a writer is not being able to write. How can you be defined by an action that you don't do? It's frustrating and discouraging and almost embarrassing. Sort of makes me a fraud. I keep waiting to have this epiphany. Some inspiration. I keep waiting for the light to shine from above that beckons me to my true calling. Grand Divine Intervention.

My phone vibrated the other night. I picked up. Text message. "When God tells you to sit down, you don't go looking for a chair!!!"

I've gotten that same text message more times that I remember. More often that not, I file it under Worthless and Ridiculous Utterances and then toss the phone with no response. That message baffled me for years. Maybe because I never really took the time to decipher it. If God told me to sit down, I'd sit down. Of course I'd need a chair. But when you're a kid and your mother tells you to sit down right now, you don't walk into the next room to pull out a chair from the dining table. You sit down where you are. On the floor. On a couch. On your hands. You just sit down.

I've been admitting hiding lately and when you're alone, your thoughts tend to come keep you company. Now instead of backing in a corner and letting my thoughts attack me like some wild-eyed mob, I decided to sit down and have a round table. So I sat down with my thoughts and made more time for self-reflection and introspection. I've come to absolutely no decisions yet but it's been exciting, scary and extremely frustrating, once again trying to find out who I am. Because you are defined by the things that you produce. You're labeled, even by yourself, by the things that you do.

So I decided that I'm going to follow my instances instead of waiting for the sky to open and for the gods to grant me a grand vision of my illuminated life path. I'm going to get a cutlass and cop through the bush. I'll carve my path. I'll sit on the floor. And once I find my way, I'll get up and run like the trackstar that I should have been.

Randomness....

Damn it's been a while. ....Apparently Trey Songz is my friend in my head. .... Bet the Neighbors Know My Name.... That shit is hilarious. .... I hope the Knicks get Iverson. Not because it'll make them better. They suck. But at least it'll give people a reason to watch. .... It's either that or I say that we get together and kidnap Brandon Jennings. .... I think about writing every day and yet nothing comes out. It's like being constipated. We all know how annoying that is. ... I think Drake's song "Forever" is one of my favorite rap songs of all time. No bullshit. .... Right now I'll read anything I can get my hands on. ... People really are inconsiderate bastards. I saw this lady on the train the other day with her ass literally about one inch from this other lady's face. It was completely hilarious to me. But if I was that women there would have been a misunderstanding on that train. .... Precious was a great movie. It baffled me that a lot of people were laughing inappropriately in the movie theater. I can only believe that most of them didn't read the book and didn't fully grasp the severity of the situation. .... Either that or people, in their adult lives, went to the movies to laugh at the type of kids they made fun of in school. I was two seconds off slapping the lady next to me. And her boyfriend would have got it worse. ... Girl I got that dope dick. Now come and let me dope you. You gon' be a dope fiend. Your friends should call you Doppy. ... Sometimes music is so fun. .... Today's public schools SUCK. Social promotion SUCKS. Bloomberg sucks. Bill Thompson sucks so much that he could only talk about how much Bloomberg sucked. .... Should I be more concerned about the Swine Flu? Especially being that I've met about 10 people in the last two weeks that said they had it. .... "Everyday a star is born. Clap for 'em.".... Clap for me. ... I'm reborn.

Yup.


-C